Get ready for some language and truth serving.

When I turned 50 in February (and let’s be honest, also at age 40 ten years ago, and maybe even like age 15, 35 years ago), there were all these RULES about how we should dress as “well-seasoned” women. ¬†Many of these rules were, frankly, to water down a woman’s style or hide her in the shadow of younger women.

Gen X grew up with grandmothers, and maybe moms, who fiercely followed these rules, but many of us are having no-fucking-of-it.¬†The thing I hear from readers and clients is that they don’t know HOW to dress with a youthful vibe while not trying to look TOO YOUNG. ¬†Because of these mysterious “rules” we grew up with, many women our age default to certain brands and styles.

Ironically, when we are not living with our most authentic selves, we default back to what we THINK women should look like from our most insecure times. ¬†What shows up is a wardrobe that signals to everyone “I AM INSECURE.” YIKES!

I’ve admitted before to TONS of insecurities myself and it’s taken a lifetime of learning and flexing my confidence muscles to live in my most authentic self, and that includes breaking some fashion rules.


MYTH: Women over 40 Should Have Short Hair

Reality: pretty much fuck that. ¬†Sorry for the language, but seriously, my grandmother cut and permed her hair into a HAIRDO the day she turned 40 and never looked back. ¬†I tried short hair a couple years ago and it’s just SO MUCH WORK. ¬†Long hair allows for ponytails, top knots, and way less washing in my life. ¬†Thank you, next…

MYTH: After 40, you definitely should not wear anything form fitted.

The idea here is twofold–first that at “our age” we cannot possibly look good in anything fitted and second that we should let younger women “get attention.”

The problem here is that MANY women take this to mean they should not wear anything remotely fitted. ¬†I see women default to clothes that are too big, thinking it will hide the natural curves WE HAVE EARNED from having kids and enjoying pasta. ¬†Our bodies tell a beautiful story of the lives we have lived. ¬†Curves are part of that and we shouldn’t shrink away from them.

The second issue is likely the one that lingers deep in us: that younger and smaller women have the only bodies worth notice. ¬†I promise you this is far from the truth, and hiding under layers of fabric says insecure to your beholder. ¬†I fall into this one ALL THE TIME, especially after being in quarantine for six years (oh wait, three months. ¬†Feels longer). I am NOT a small woman, but I have also retrained my brain to not layer tents of fabric to hide imperfections. I’m not saying wear things TOO fitted, but understand your body’s proportions, and learn how to accentuate the best through proper fit. ¬†AND ROCK YOUR CURVES!!!

This "gown" from Norma Kamali is really more of a t-shirt. I found it on Amazon Fashion and linked in in the photo.
Sophia Loren NEVER hid her sensuality. Or her love for spaghetti. Why do you?

MYTH: Stop showing too much over 40.  Cover your arms.  Wear longer shorts (or never wear shorts)

Reality: IT GETS REALLY HOT in summer. ¬†Also HOT FLASHES. ¬†If we want to wear shorts or sleeveless because it’s freaking hot, we shall wear them. To hell with those who don’t agree. #sorrynotsorry

Now I GET IT…we don’t always LOVE our arms or legs. ¬†There are workarounds like cap sleeves and self tanner. ¬†But you know what, when I put on shorter shorts (always at least one size up so I wear low slung and slouchy–pro tip) and some cool sandals or cowboy boots, I feel pretty great. ¬†Have fun with it. ¬†There are more options than rules.

{Bodysuit from Urbäna}

{Sandals Linea Paolo}

Do you dare wear short shorts?
Dress is from Choosy and it's ON SALE. Great date dress and looks fun with a bralette or bikini top too. Linked in the photo to shop.

MYTH: Women over 40/50 should dress modestly.

Let me clarify this one–I am not a fan of moms who dress like teens. ¬†If there is a trend that is a little risqu√©, I am a firm believer in trying it BUT moderately. ¬†Part of that comes from the structure of those styles, though. ¬†Many brands that target younger women are made without the design consideration of a woman’s figure–they use fit models with “boyish” builds, making it harder to fit US. ¬†Additionally, they are often made inexpensively and don’t have a level of sophistication that keeps something sexy from looking cheap.

Aside from that, I also save plunging necklines for date nights or weekends away with Himself.  His is the only attention I need, thankyouverymuch.

HOWEVER, a well-constructed item and load of hollywood tape can make a lot of styles FUN. ¬†And don’t forget your BEST posture.

MYTH: Middle-aged women should wear sensible shoes. But also, not sneakers.  A proper age-appropriate flat only.

Reality: wear what you want on your feet.  If you can still get up on stilettos, DO IT! If you want sneakers, there are SO many fun and comfortable options for you.

I read another blog post recently and the author actually gave a range of a flat to 2inch heel, not too pointy nor boxy and definitely no sneakers. That’s some straight bullsh*t.

I often choose what I’m wearing for the day by starting at my feet. Those babies determine how fierce I can be many days!

The world of fashion has every possible style and comfort level in shoes. ¬†You do not need grandma shoes at a certain age. ¬†And if you don’t know where to find a fun and functional shoe–ask ME!

MYTH: After age 40, women should avoid wearing bright colors.  Muted, neutral colors work better on an older woman.  Too bold color draws too much attention to her age.

Reality:  REALLY?  To that, I say NO EFFING WAY!  Bold colors add flair and adventure to a wardrobe.  Again, women who consistently stick to dark colors and neutrals often just lack the confidence to accentuate their beauty.  Those defaults become an easy way to hide in a crowd.

Ladies, you have come so far–you’ve seen things, raised families, and have wisdom in spades. ¬†Those are things that are truly beautiful and should be shared.

Bright colors can truly boost your mood, which is sooo naturally attractive.
Green polish even. Oh, and the clever bamboo purse is linked in the photo.
More to come on this joyful dress, but I found it at #blackownedboutique Carribben Cowgirl. Check her out by clicking the photo.


Rules are meant to be broken. ¬†YOU, my friend, are BEAUTIFUL and should let that SHINE! If you simply aren’t feeling that, comment or email me to learn more about the Meant for Moxie confidence coaching programs.



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